I’m cracking under the pressure.
I don’t need to describe it to you. You know. We all know.
The days upon days of uncertainty and upheaval. The unmet and unmeetable need for a smile, a hug, a long, deep, free breath without the heart-clenching taint of fear. The constant tension between honoring authority and being human.
Our shared, slow-motion nightmare pressing in steady and sure and unceasing.
And underneath, a tailored hell for each of us.
For me, it’s looking into nearly-five-year-old eyes filling with tears as yet another lonely birthday looms. Helplessly witnessing the slow degeneration of my wonderful, delicate body from disuse. Seeing our beautiful, cozy home as a prison. Keeping my mother’s mail to remember what she smells like.
I am no Giles Corey. I will not call for more weight as the life is being crushed out of me. I’m not that brave.
But I will ask for more love.
Every morning as I open my eyes and find the pressure is turned up and not down, I will ask for more Love. As I pass broken people on the sidewalk, the street corner, in the store, in my own home, I will ask for more Love. When it’s too much to bear, whether it’s reasonable or not, I will ask for more Love.
To fill my lungs with praise—or just one more breath.
To fill my mind with truth—or just a clear thought.
To fill my body with strength—or just get me up the stairs.
To fill my heart with joy—or just contentedness to be alive.
To not let the pressure crush me into fine, useless powder blown away into the darkness but instead to compress me into something precious that grasps any tiny bit of light to reflect out in brilliance.
I have been pressed beyond my ability to cope. My soul aches as much as my bones.
Yet Love wakes me each day and dares me to keep caring. To not give up hope. To stay in the good fight.
And so I do. Beyond reason, beyond emotion, beyond desire. Small though the victories may be, they are won in Love’s name one day, one moment, one chance at a time.
“When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 118:5-6 NIV).
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12 ESV).
This post is part of Five-Minute Friday. This week’s prompt is PRESSURE. If you’d like to join in the fun, click here!
22 thoughts on “Love under pressure”
“To not let the pressure crush me into fine, useless powder blown away into the darkness but instead to compress me into something precious that grasps any tiny bit of light to reflect out in brilliance.”
Such a line of empowerment!! I love this!! It lets me know that despite the pressure, I can overcome!!
Yes, you absolutely can! With the great love of God in you, powering you every day, there is nothing you cannot overcome.
so much yes!! thank you for this gentle reminder of truth.
You are so welcome! I’m so glad it spoke to you today. ?
This is an excellent essay on the word prompt yet, it fills me with sadness for you.
Oh, sweet friend! I so appreciate your tender heart towards me. I won’t say it isn’t sad (it is), but I will say that the God who is Love incarnate has got me (and you! and all of us!) in His hands. I am well, and I will be well. Thank you so much for your love. ?
This was so beautiful. So relateable. So raw. Thank you for writing this!
I’m so glad it spoke to you! ?
Cancers depths would drag me down,
and I’m scared (some call me brave!),
but I will just refuse to drown
and walk and whistle on the wave,
for really, what else can I do?
Everyone will meet their fate;
I will die, and so will you,
but we’ll high-five at Heaven’s gate
through which we will laughing, pass
to fly a kite in crystal air,
chase unicorns on velvet grass,
turn quick cartwheels without a care,
and so, without a backward glance,
let us enjoy these days, and dance!
*pre-emptive high fives*
God’s love holding us is a wonderful thing isn’t it? Something we need to share with the hurting world around us.
It’s most certainly is, on both counts!
“Small though the victories may be, they are won in Love’s name one day, one moment, one chance at a time.” Thank you for sharing so openly and also with the power of hope in God’ s love. May God’s sufficient grace see you through each moment and each day.
Thank you for your sweet blessing!
You describe the ache of pressure well but I will admit, it made me sad for you. Praying this afternoon that the Lord would bring release from the pressure and fill you with His peace and calm.
You’re so kind and tenderhearted! Don’t be sad for me, friend. I’m well cared-for in the hands of Love. But truly, thank you for your blessing and *your* love!
Love is the force that can withstand all of the pressure. I love that this truth is weaved throughout.
Yes! There is no amount of pressure that Love cannot withstand. As it increases, so does Love!
Your Lego graphic & “Under Pressure” video work perfectly with your narrative. Your words are very relatable.
Haha, thank you! I always wonder if my pop-culture references land properly in this context, so I super appreciate the validation?
Beautiful reflection. Vulnerable, poignant, hope filled. I love the graphic too!
Thank you! I’m glad the hope comes across–it can be tricky to talk about the hard stuff without sounding maudlin. 😀