REAL TALK: I am not feeling terribly thankful today.
I know, my privilege is showing. Bear with me.
I’m an expat. I moved to Canada in 2006 and am wildly happy here, but I always make a holiday pilgrimage back to Missouri. It’s a tradition of nostalgia and belonging that recenters me in my family of origin. It’s also the only time I see my dad and grandmothers.
Except this year.
Thanks to covid, I (much like so many of us) can’t make that trip. And come Saturday, it will be a whole year since I’ve set foot in my hometown. A whole year since I’ve smelled my mother’s perfume, scritched my grandma’s dog, or mocked my brother for the state of his room.
And I’m salty. Like, so salty it’s pickled my thankfulness. Puckered it right up.
But the Holy Spirit doesn’t let me get away with self-pity very long. He ambushed me yesterday as I Grinchily scrolled other people’s holiday posts.
“Is this really how you want to feel right now?”
…no.
“Do you really have nothing to be grateful for?”
…no.
Dammit, HS, why you gotta be like that?
Does it suck that I can’t be with my people at the holidays for the first time in my entire life? Is it heartbreaking and unfair?
Yes. Very.
Can I be grateful for what I have—warmth, food, water, health, people, peace, privilege—while pouting about I don’t?
Nope.
And that’s no good for me. Or God. Or anyone, really.
So this year, my holiday season is a sacrifice of praise.
I don’t feel grateful. I feel salty. But rather than let my feelings ruin everything, I’ll choose to give up my self-centered sorrow and instead rejoice that no matter where I am, I’m an inseparable part of God’s family. I’ll choose to praise when I’m hurting inside, not because I feel good, but because He is good. I’ll choose to honor Him with what I have instead of whining about what I don’t.
I’ll also choose to eat half a pie because there are some things covid just cannot ruin.
Happy Thanksgiving, friends, wherever you are, however you’re celebrating, whoever you’re with. Choose to rejoice in all things, because He is with you.
