I had a terrible thought the other night. The sad, resigned kind that’s a red flag by itself and turns into a flashing danger sign when it crops up in odd places.
As I was getting into bed, I said to myself, “Here we go again.”
Seriously, who thinks that when they’re going to sleep?!
Sleep is THE BEST. Especially when you’re a parent of small children. So why am I grumbling when my head hits the pillow?
Truthfully? I think it’s boredom.
My personal seasons tend to line up with the natural ones, so winter is a dormant time for me. Projects and passions gutter out. Mindless routine gets me through each day.
Usually, I’m fine with that. Let it all rest until the season changes.
But this year, I’m clashing with my internal winter so hard it’s sending up sparks.
My frustration with hibernating is like a distress signal from my soul telling me that if I’m unhappy with plodding along on autopilot, then it’s hurting more than helping.
And that means it needs to change.
Thankfully, because of Jesus, I’m not beholden to my old patterns. Because I’m new, the winter can be new for me, too.
I don’t quite know what that looks like yet, but I do know that the Holy Spirit is here, pointing out the sparks, breathing life into the embers, and waiting for the flame to catch.
“Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God.” [Eph 4:22-24 ESV]⠀⠀